It's bugging him more than he thinks...

Today I spent the day with BD (which is what I shall call him from now on). He picked me up and we drove to Kent. The weather was gorgeous and the drive was amazing (I just wished I took my camera with me to take some photos of the scenery - I will not listen to him next time!). I was armed with my saved paycheck, a mental list of what I wanted, and a tall strong man to carry whatever I managed to get my hands on or stretch my budget to get (I'm good at that!). As long as I managed to get him something to eat (good practice with my dad, as long as I know where you can get something to eat then he's happy), he has happy just to tag along and put up with me. However, there were times when he dragged me into shops to look for stuff for him, which I loved because it felt like we were shopping for him too. We stayed until the shopping mall closed.

Since it was still early, we decided to go for dinner in the other huge shopping mall in the area. So we drove and got stuck in the traffic, which I didn't mind as I was just spending time with him. That is until his thoughts wandered... I know our situation isn't the most ideal, nor is it the most comfortable for him. In the time it took to drive between the two malls (it was only half an hour - if that, but it certainly felt a lot more once he started talking about how he felt about the situation) I realised my mood was darker than the clouds gathering above our heads. However, he had his chance to get out, and yet he dragged us both back in. He had his chance to walk away, to allow the both of us to think that nothing would happen and I would have been ok. Now we're slowly getting attached and have given each other labels, it makes it a little harder to just walk away. We had agreed after the first date to end things, and yet he asked me the next day for another chance.

Now, I see that it's causing more problems than he's willing to admit. The way he talked about the situation and how he saw it, just made me realise that even though I could be ok with this, he couldn't be. Somehow I feel that he feels that this is my fault and that he's having to suffer. Maybe suffer is too severe a word, but I just feel like he's feeling a little resentment.

The problem is, I like this one. I'm finally seeing someone that I like, and not just because he's the one who's around at the time. This is someone who I can see myself getting really attached to. It's dangerous and I could end up being incredibly hurt. Sitting in the car park, waiting to go inside to the restaurant, I turned to look at him, and asked him, "Are you happy?" He wasn't sure what I meant, so I said, "Are you happy with us? Our 'dating thing'? Because I don't know what to call it." even though we call each other girl/boyfriend, so we are in a relationship. I knew what his answer would be, and I realised we had two choices, end it now once and for all, or just continue the way we are and I would have to endure his tormented soul and mind.

This is why I don't date people I like - I drag them along for a terrible and bumpy ride which is my life.