Sad but beautiful...

Just how attached can you get after 3 dates with someone? In this case, very. I knew this was coming, I knew things were going to go downhill, I knew it was going to be hard, but I didn't know why he wanted to end things in person. Actually, I did, he felt I deserved at least that. Initially I was slightly bitter that he'd be that selfish to seem the bigger person, for not doing it over the phone. When he asked me to say something, I asked him just why he felt he had to do this in person. He was completely taken aback and wondered why I'd not want to do it in person. I said, "Because then when I don't respond and don't know what to say, it's ok." The moment I said it, I knew it was true.

"But I want to know what is going through your head..." he said. I looked out the window, at the rain hitting the garden patio outside. My mouth opened, and that was it. For the first time in a long time, I wasn't worried about what a guy would think of me, I wasn't worried about what he'd say. The flood gates had been opened, and that was it. I told him everything, about my past, my family, the bad things that had happened, why I'd lost trust in men and not for one moment did he judge me. He held my hand and listened. I realised now why I liked him so much, because he made me feel safe. I realised just how comfortable I was with him. I didn't have to worry about my appearance or how I acted because he was above all that. It was at that moment that I realised how much I appreciated him doing this all in person, and how glad I was that I made the effort to come out and see him.

Neither of us had intended to stay longer than one drink, but when he decided he needed another, I realised I did too. It was truly strange, but we'd both felt suddenly liberated and really enjoyed ourselves. It was the strangest and best breakup. We talked, laughed and poked fun at each other. It was like we were on a great date and that there were no boundaries.

We knew it couldn't last forever, but neither of us wanted it to end. As we stood in the station, looking into each other's eyes, we both knew that we wouldn't be able to forget each other. When I felt his lips against my forehead I realised that although I knew this was coming, and although I knew I wasn't going to cry, I couldn't help but feel an overwhelming surge of sadness. This beautiful person was leaving me, and we were both leaving it to fate to see what our future had in store for us. As his lips lingered against my skin, I didn't want to let go and yet I didn't want to hold onto him any longer. As we turned our seperate ways, I tried not to look back, until I saw his head turn away as he walked off. I felt a lump in my throat, but the tears never came. I hope they never do.