Thinking of you...
Norah Jones "Thinking of You" plays on my iTunes... I've become one of them. One of those people who gets soppy. I'm happy. I sit at my desk and smile broadly when I remember little things they do, and can still smell their skin.
Yesterday I woke up after allowing myself 7 hours of sleep, I needed it. Clocks had changed and I had seen an hour of my life disappear right before my eyes. I'd worked until 3:30am (or what would have been 2:30am the night before). I jumped into the shower, had breakfast and turned on my computer. I did bit of reading before getting a phone call from a familiar number. I heard a slightly groggy, but other normal voice. "I want to see you." I could imagine him lying there, rubbing his eyes and stretching as I said that I wanted to see him too. I smiled widely into my king sized mug of tea. He had a lovely quiet, deep voice. I sat there thinking of what I could wear, I hadn't been out for two days and wanted to treat myself to dressing up a little.
** It wasn't what we did, it was what he said. **
He picked me up and we went through photos, a movie, adobe photoshop and hours of just cuddling. All I needed was a bit of tenderness. I sat there on the couch, his arms around me, inhaling his scent. I couldn't keep my eyes open as I just kept drifting off, his heart beat sending me into a lull. This is what I needed. Just someone to stroke my hair, hold me and make me forget about life for a while. Just wanted someone to make me feel what it was like to let go. Someone to remind me what being cared for and wanting to be cared for was about.
We sat on the couch, hugging his arm, his hand on my leg, our cups of tea getting cold in their places and a packet of digestives resting in my lap. "Are you only having one?" he'd ask incredulously. I'd nod and grin like a little girl because I knew it would make him smile. The kind of smile where you know he thinks you're cute when you do that.
** It wasn't what we did, it was what he said. **
Tunes played in the background we were in each other's arms. I looked into those gorgeous blue eyes as I stroked his face. For once I didn't look away when he looked back at me. I wanted to look into those eyes, those eyes that look right into me. Watch them open and close when my fingers traced the lines of his face. Close my eyes everytime he brushed my hair away from my face and let his fingers run through my hair. I felt safe. When he hugged me, I didn't want to let go. I felt safe in those big arms of his, his broad shoulders, my face in the nook of his neck.
** It wasn't what we did, it was what he said. **
It soon came time to go home and neither of us wanted me to leave. But I'm high maintanence and I wasn't ready for him to see how much effort it took for me to look passable. As we drove home, he asked me, "Last week, you asked me if I was happy, and I never asked you. Are you happy?" This was my chance. My opportunity to give him my answer and tell him what he had to hear. So I said,
I am happy. Sure we have some limits to our relationship, but you know what, I don't care, I'm happy. I'm happy with what I have and you know what I'm enjoying this. For the first time in a long time I get excited to see someone. I look forward to seeing you. I know we say that there is a shelf life to this, but you know what, I don't care. For once, I'm allowing myself to be selfish and you know what? I like it. I am happy.
He smiled, he was happy and then he said something that made it all better. "Let's not say that there's a shelf-life. Let's just enjoy it together." Some people may think we'd then be in denial about this relationship, but I don't care. For the first time since we started seeing each other I didn't feel that pang of sadness, I didn't feel that horrible twinge of guilt that it would all end so soon, I could finally feel happy and optimistic.
It had nothing to do with what we did that day, it was because of what he said.
Yesterday I woke up after allowing myself 7 hours of sleep, I needed it. Clocks had changed and I had seen an hour of my life disappear right before my eyes. I'd worked until 3:30am (or what would have been 2:30am the night before). I jumped into the shower, had breakfast and turned on my computer. I did bit of reading before getting a phone call from a familiar number. I heard a slightly groggy, but other normal voice. "I want to see you." I could imagine him lying there, rubbing his eyes and stretching as I said that I wanted to see him too. I smiled widely into my king sized mug of tea. He had a lovely quiet, deep voice. I sat there thinking of what I could wear, I hadn't been out for two days and wanted to treat myself to dressing up a little.
** It wasn't what we did, it was what he said. **
He picked me up and we went through photos, a movie, adobe photoshop and hours of just cuddling. All I needed was a bit of tenderness. I sat there on the couch, his arms around me, inhaling his scent. I couldn't keep my eyes open as I just kept drifting off, his heart beat sending me into a lull. This is what I needed. Just someone to stroke my hair, hold me and make me forget about life for a while. Just wanted someone to make me feel what it was like to let go. Someone to remind me what being cared for and wanting to be cared for was about.
We sat on the couch, hugging his arm, his hand on my leg, our cups of tea getting cold in their places and a packet of digestives resting in my lap. "Are you only having one?" he'd ask incredulously. I'd nod and grin like a little girl because I knew it would make him smile. The kind of smile where you know he thinks you're cute when you do that.
** It wasn't what we did, it was what he said. **
Tunes played in the background we were in each other's arms. I looked into those gorgeous blue eyes as I stroked his face. For once I didn't look away when he looked back at me. I wanted to look into those eyes, those eyes that look right into me. Watch them open and close when my fingers traced the lines of his face. Close my eyes everytime he brushed my hair away from my face and let his fingers run through my hair. I felt safe. When he hugged me, I didn't want to let go. I felt safe in those big arms of his, his broad shoulders, my face in the nook of his neck.
** It wasn't what we did, it was what he said. **
It soon came time to go home and neither of us wanted me to leave. But I'm high maintanence and I wasn't ready for him to see how much effort it took for me to look passable. As we drove home, he asked me, "Last week, you asked me if I was happy, and I never asked you. Are you happy?" This was my chance. My opportunity to give him my answer and tell him what he had to hear. So I said,
I am happy. Sure we have some limits to our relationship, but you know what, I don't care, I'm happy. I'm happy with what I have and you know what I'm enjoying this. For the first time in a long time I get excited to see someone. I look forward to seeing you. I know we say that there is a shelf life to this, but you know what, I don't care. For once, I'm allowing myself to be selfish and you know what? I like it. I am happy.
He smiled, he was happy and then he said something that made it all better. "Let's not say that there's a shelf-life. Let's just enjoy it together." Some people may think we'd then be in denial about this relationship, but I don't care. For the first time since we started seeing each other I didn't feel that pang of sadness, I didn't feel that horrible twinge of guilt that it would all end so soon, I could finally feel happy and optimistic.
It had nothing to do with what we did that day, it was because of what he said.
Labels: happy, men, relationships
posted by Lunar Chick @ 11:11 am
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