Getting cold feet

What has life come to when you spend most of your time sitting around waiting for something terrible to happen in order for you to hopefully experience a little bit of your own happiness. I have spent the last week waiting for The Designer to call me to tell me that he has dumped his girlfriend, that she have moved out of his apartment and that we can start dating. What has happened to me that I have stooped so low as to do this to another woman? Granted he's been telling everyone that he's not sure he wants to be with her. Granted he's been telling people that he doesn't think they're right together. Granted he only made a move on me when they finally agreed that she should leave. Granted I haven't been helping the situation by being the friend who secretly hopes that the girlfriend gets dumped so that I can have him to myself.

Selfishly now, I am worried. I'm starting to get cold feet. For the first time in a very long time, I actually fear that karma will come back to bite me square in the ass for it's share of payback. I seriously pray that I won't get my comeuppance simply because I don't see myself as the vixen who takes but the girl who gets left behind. I'm not victimising myself, but merely stating a fact. It does not excuse how I've felt about him, but in all honesty, I did nothing to encourage him or entice him. I showed up looking smart, or chic, and a couple of times, I looked scruffy. I did not lead him on and we were usually up front with each other.

I still don't wholly understand why he's changed his mind about me (I mentioned once to him that I was interested in us dating again, he turned me down as he didn't think we'd make a good couple or work out). At first I was happy, incredibly confused, angry and annoyed, but happy. Now, I'm wondering if this is really a good idea. I see what he means when he says that he may end up hurting me, which makes me wonder if I'll be able to get in there first so that I can walk away with minimal damage. But why should I feel like I'm walking through a mindfield and not just enjoy it all? Why must I feel like I'm treading on egg shells??

I honestly don't know anymore. What's even better is that this morning I received a text from him, "Greetings from Jeddah!" The bastard left without telling me and is away for a week. It will give me the time I need to catch up with my research and really contemplate whether I want to go through with this or not.